The Bubble Lid Makes It Funner. Ditto the Optional Replacement Tongue.

A Starbuck’s barista/wise man told me this as he handed me my coffee today. “We’re out of regular lids,” he said. “But that’s okay!! The bubble lid makes it funner! Right?”

I wasn’t sure at first. It seemed too much to ask from a lid. But then his hedgehog hairdo made me think that this was an individual with great discernment. Could the bubble lid really heighten my enjoyment of my caffeinated beverage?

Oh yes it could, and it did. It did make it funner! That lid was so bulbous and sort of sci-fi, like if I looked in through the top I would see new worlds. Crazy kaleidoscope coffee. Lilliputian sea adventurers in the hot brown surf. Hey little Captain Nemo in there! Watch out for that foam!

I probably spent hours squinting through the hole in the top of the dome. I can’t remember a better time with coffee, frankly.

It’s revelations like this that help me see the bigger picture. To understand the world more completely. Bubble lids are so profound, when you think about it.

So are sex dolls. I never really thought about sex dolls until I watched a movie called Lars and the Real Girl last night. It was a good movie about a guy who falls in love with a sex doll he orders off the internet and then the whole town decides to pretend she’s real too, and they make friends with the sex doll named Bianca but nobody ever has sex with it, and then Bianca dies (oops! spoiler!) and everyone is so sad. And relieved.

But she doesn’t die until way after the sister-in-law loans her some sweat pants, which is good because Bianca came out of the crate wearing some pretty slutty clothes, if you ask me. Also I think fishnet tops are illegal in most Canadian provinces during the winter months. Sex dolls don’t fare well in jail, probably, so that sister-in-law really did Bianca a solid.

Just like with the bubble lids, I was a doubter. Who would think a life-size silicone doll was real and love it? How can you love something that is always gazing off vacantly at the horizon? Okay, the FBO does that sometimes, but that’s not my point.

The point is, the company that made Bianca in the movie is real. I know because I am a quester of knowledge. It’s called “Realdoll” and don’t go there from work or with your kid standing behind your chair, because already on the first page are nipples. I learned a lot about these dolls. For instance, they support 400 pounds. Good to know. They enjoy hot baths and have a convenient bolt at the back of the neck for hanging. Hmmm. Also they come with an optional replacement tongue for a small additional fee. That’s good value.

What interested me the most, once I got over some initial sadness and nausea, were the testimonials. Here are a few excerpts for you from the site:

Jenny's presence here has had a dramatically positive effect on me psychologically and emotionally. A far more positive effect than I had ever expected. During this time, I have done many things that I feel I would never have done if I didn’t have Jenny. - John A.

She’s just a doll, but as I never had a real close relationship, she’s a bit more, some level of its own somewhere in between a doll and a real girl. .This one will even allow me to kiss and hug her, to even have sex with her. - Anonymous in Germany

Having a RealDoll has opened up wonderful new experiences for me and has given me a wonderful peace of mind I could only dream of!!! -CJD

(quotes from www.realdoll.com/testimonials)

These men are in love with their doll-friends! Also the sex dolls are clearly changing their lives for the better.

I feel so guilty now for underestimating plastic. I resolve from here on to trust in the ability of molded plastic to make my life funner.

But probably I’ll just stick to the bubble lids, and maybe a bounce house or something.

Not that I’m judging if you’re heading over to Realdoll to make a new friend. Tell Bianca I said ‘hey’.